(Nomad Day 2860)
Dear Journal,
Today is a turning point, my gut feelings and the full moon got me to ponder on my little existence.
At this stage, I am already closer to my potential ‘end-of-life’ than my ‘beginning-of-life’.
Things are shifting, and my understanding of the world and my own being’s determinations are getting sharper. I have been chasing sounds for about 10 years now and building a business around it. These are both my passions and my professional path; they all merge together to create this unique blend where it’s difficult for me to see the boundaries between personal/professional. I felt myself lost at times, not knowing on what foot to dance. A lot of trial and error, too. As a child of the 1980’s, I was the first generation to grow up with computers, and this option to do ‘undo’ when using software has had a real impact on my entire life. Sometimes I feel I have been acting all my life, in all my decisions, as if there is an ‘undo’ button somewhere in the algorithm of life. Now at 42 years old, I can feel the frustrations of trying to go back in time and change the errors of the past. I sometimes dived too deep into some endeavors without measuring the impacts. Many times I would have liked to press the ‘undo’ button, but there is none! Life is not a software or a game; we are not machines, and the world is really spinning right now; the scars are real. I can lament ad vitam, or I can take this opportunity to reshape my decision-making process.
I have not written much in this journal for the past few years, as it is more of an internal reflective journal, something very personal. And my life has changed. At the same time, I evolved from being a full nomad to semi-nomadic. I now function better with a ‘base’, knowing I have a place I can come back to is both mentally and strategically beneficial. So yeah, at this stage, my recording process and journeys are way more elaborate, and the fruit of them is a way longer reflection and more complex processes, which are mixed bags of inspirations, reflections, and past experiences. My projects are now way sharper and mainly driven by passion, making something useful for others but also aligned with my own convictions. The natural world and respect for the natural world is an absolute driving force for me, and all my future endeavors shall revolve around that theme. I have lots of ambitions and always have had ambitions, but the concentration and motivation to achieve these have been fluctuating; it all holds onto my determination, and today this determination is stronger than ever.
I have been struggling, though, with some fierce colleagues, or so-called ‘competitors’. This had a real impact on my psychological/emotional balance. I think because some of my people in this small community have toxic temperaments, and like to spew their venom on other people, the ones that would not fit in their vision of the world, or maybe because they see other actions as a ‘threat’ to their own business! In fact, some people are working hard to get ‘recognition’ and authority; this is somehow their primary goal, making them empowered so that they feel they can use their power to criticize, belittle, and destroy other people’s actions. Well, I am different; I am not chasing any ‘recognition’, authority, or power. I am not blaming or publicly harassing other people in this community because I see them as a threat! I am not judging; everybody has a different past, a different story, a different opinion. If I do not like something, I either pass my way or try to understand better by questioning and opening a discussion.
Well, I really believe a new era has come; many of my projects are coming to fruition. A lot of my efforts will show off soon. Most of these projects are close to Nature and my biggest reward will come from the possibilities to make people reconnect with the natural world: our world, full of life and beautiful, constantly evolving, and where the button ‘undo’ does not exist.
Hence, my new motto: “Stop trial & error, Start Building!”
